a confession and not the "bread" I expected

Okay, I have a confession to make.  

But first a little background.

Last June when I was called to be a primary worker I was bummed.  

I'll admit it.

Especially when I found out that I wasn't even going to be teaching my own son's class.

I was bummed because the bishopric counselor mentioned to me that my name was submitted by the YW organization at the same time but that they felt I should go into the primary.  

Again.  

I had just left "primary mode" 12 months before and I was super disappointed that instead of being given the chance to work with my girls and go to fun firesides and midweek activities, I would be waiting on the couch for them for an hour and half  every Wednesday night.

Let me be clear.

I firmly believe you serve where you are asked to serve.  

And you should do it to the best of your ability. 

 And I do. 

 I just was sad at an opportunity missed.

I might have even been a little resentful, if I'm being honest.  I spent 17 years working in YW.  That is, until I had a YW of my own.  Then it was 8 years of callings that kept requiring me to be gone when my family was home.  That was hard for me.  Hardest yet, was last year when I was gone three nights a week for trek meetings and the whole time I knew that it was Tanner's last year living at home before his mission.  I longed to be home with him more than my responsibilities were allowing me.

That is the confession part. 

Here goes the bread part.

As I prayed for confirmation that this was where I was supposed to be, I feel like I got an answer that surprised me.

Heavenly Father was giving me a breather.

He knew I needed it before I did.

I have been running all cylinders for so long now, I didn't realize how burned out and tired I was.

It was a gift.  a well-deserved gift.

And the kids are so stinkin' cute.  And who can really argue with a calling where you only have to spend about an hour a week preparing and you constantly get told how much they love you.

I was reminded of some scripture verses from the Old Testament that are favorites of mine and that I have mentioned here on this blog before.  

“If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?

“Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?

“If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?” (Luke 11:11–13.)

This scripture acknowledges our Heavenly Father’s desire to give is the gift we need, not necessarily the gift we want.  Many times in our lives, we might look to the gift (or calling or situation) that God is giving us and think of it as a stone—when what we are actually receiving is bread unrecognized. These scriptures tell us that our Heavenly Father loves us and would never give us stone. Yet because of our imperfect understanding, we may perceive the bread he offers us—perhaps his most nourishing and filling—as cold stone. 

Now, I recognize my assignment to teach CTR 7 for what it is, a gift. 

Bread from my Father.